Don't Call it a Comeback!

Hahaha...you get it??  Comeback??  Okay, sorry, you'll get it when you are done reading this post...

So Cam and I have some rather big news to share.  (No No No NO I'm not pregnant.  Yet.  Give me some time.  Right now I want 4 trillion more children.)  ((Yes I may have had a nervous breakdown down here.  No, I don't think that's a good reason to quit having children.  Hehe))

So through much prayer, many hard times, and counsel from friends who have traveled the missionary journey much longer than we have, we have decided that after our year here in Colima is finished we will be moving to a new post as missionaries.  This decision was not come to quickly or easily, but we are excited about what the future may hold!

We believe God brought us to Colima for many reason, but not as a long-term assignment.  He has been teaching us SO many things.  Difficult things.  Things that well...I really didn't want to learn that much.  Things that most likely, I never would have allowed him to teach me while we lived in Katy.  See, in Katy, I was just so HAPPY.  COMFORTABLE.  I loved life, I loved my friends, I loved my church, I loved my routine.  And sometimes God just has to shake you out of a few of the things that you love to tell you things that he wants you to hear.  Things that you don't want to hear, even.

When we moved to Colima, I came with the expectation that we would be here for the long-haul.  I mean, obviously, since we hauled all our junk down here and almost got killed doing it.  (Well, Cameron anyway.)  So I have been extremely surprised to feel like God is pulling us away already.  He is doing so in a variety of ways, let me tell you about just a couple of them...

Ahem.  So.

These almost-eight months have been hard y'all.  I am not going to lie.  ROUGH.  And you know what's even harder?  Enduring pain when you have no inkling as to why you are in that place.  I can honestly say that I never felt "called" to Colima or Mexico.  (By the way, I abhor that word, called, it's so exclusive and dumb.  We are ALL CALLED so can we please get over it and get on with it???)  But Cameron did.  And I felt like I had two options:  obedience to what God was asking of Cameron, or disobedience.  But I assumed that God would give me the "call" once I got down here.  That's how it works, right?  Because I can assure you, you can not withstand missionary life without the missionary call.  So I waited.  I googled "nervous breakdown."  And waited.  I googled "bipolar."  And waited.  I googled  "panic attack."  (All true.)  I figured I must have been going crazy.  (Cameron also read me lots of true stories about how the wives of missionaries have gone clinically insane alot.  Thanks, hon.)  And sometime in the last month it began to be clear that the call wasn't coming.

Hmmm..... Now what?

What did that mean?? Had we made a mistake?  Were we never supposed to have come to Colima?  No.  We knew that God had brought us here for very specific reasons and to teach us very specific things.  It just turned out that what we thought was The Thing, was just a step in the journey.  Funny how it pretty much always is like that with God and I never catch on.

So then we had some missionaries from YWAM come to Colima for a week to do a variety of things.  One of the missionaries was named Beulah and she was from Zambia.  I thoroughly enjoyed talking to her about her life, the church, and Christianity in Zambia.  So much of what she told me was heart-breaking though.  She told me of the church in Zambia and how it is sick. ( Most missions organizations are no longer sending to Zambia, as they categorize it as "churched" more or less.)  But the horrible thing she told me is that the church is suffering from bad theology, predatory "preachers" and "prophets," and congregations being mislead and being taken advantage of.  (<--preposition at the end of a sentence.  Sorry not sorry.)

She explained to me that the prosperity gospel of America had come to Africa and was tainting the churches of Nigeria and Zambia at an alarming rate.  That the people now believe that God WANTS them to be wealthy, that they even DESERVE it.  The pastors are becoming greedy and taking the churches money only to improve their own lifestyle.  Because, well, God wants them to be rich, right?  So-called "prophets" are stealing the last cent that believers have to give them "a word" from the Lord.  Just the thought of it infuriates and sickens me.  (Please point to one prophet in the Bible that charged the people to hear from God?? Uh, no.)

Beulah went on to explain to me how America exports everything to the rest of the world.  Not only goods, but also culture.  Even faith.  I knew that there were strong ties between Mexico and America culture-wise, but I thought that was only because of proximity.  But Beulah told me that all over the world, every where she travels, America is there. America's music.  America's movies.  America's celebrities.  Even America's faith.  Even to faraway places like Africa.

So, American church?  Our short-comings?  Are also theirs.  Our selfishness and greed?  Is now theirs.  Our bad theology?  It's now their bad theology.  And I know, I know.  I personally hate the prosperity gospel, and I know many of you do too.  But what are we doing to counteract it?  What are we doing to live in such a way that we are proving it wrong?  What are we doing to have a faith that is WORTHY of being exported all over the world?

Which brings me back to what God is doing in our lives.  I have felt many times before that I was meant to be a catalyst to Christians in America, to help spur others on to authentic Christianity instead of accepting the watered-down, American-dream version of it.  And when I heard about how our faith in America is impacting the whole entire world in a way I had never imagined, I felt like God was confirming part of my purpose to me.

I very much have a heart for ministry.  And I feel like that ministry, oddly enough, is probably somewhere in America.  I want to see American Christians live out an authentic faith, that will in turn, inspire others to do so as well.  I mean, we have been given SO MUCH in America.  SO MUCH.  We have the means to do SO MUCH.  But how much of the time do we live up to all (or even a percentage?) of what we could do with the resources we have been given?

So right now we are praying about what the future holds.  Cameron's call is also being tweaked, molded, clarified. We are not sure where we will end up.  We are open to anywhere in the states.  I am feeling drawn toward the inner city ministries and prison ministries that I have loved being involved with in the past.  We will most likely end up continuing to be faith missionaries that live on support, which, Lord help me is not something I ever envisioned for myself.  Because if you would have asked me a few years ago what the only fate worse than an overseas missionary was?  I would have said a United States missionary.  I just had this image of what that meant...somewhere between weird fanny-packer and the Amish.

And the living on support thing?  Well it has been an adjustment enough learning to live on support in Mexico, but in the U.S. we will have to raise even MORE support, and live on an insanely tight budget.  (Makes my palms sweat just thinking about it.)   I'll most likely work to make ends meet. (But hopefully not too much because I still want those 4 trillion babies.)

BUT.

But.

....but....

I want to fulfill my role.  I want to be who Jesus wants me to be, where he wants me to be, doing what he wants me to be doing.

So.  It looks like we will be making "A Comeback."  (You can call it a comeback if you want to ;)  But this is what it's not:  It's not a failure.  It wasn't a mistake.  It is the plan of God working in such unexpected ways that I am in awe.  I am in awe of who He is and how much He loves me.  And honestly whatever the future holds, I am UP for it.  Thanks for reading and traveling this journey with me friends!!!!